I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
