Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
