Define "chronic" masturbator.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
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