kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I think a kid would responsible me up
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
