if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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