I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
