I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
