hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
