i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Randomize
