I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
