question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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