After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
