you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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