I heard we made out
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
