I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
