Just fell off a train. Bad.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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