we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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