update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
