Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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