my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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