listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
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