I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
