how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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