i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
