State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
