what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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