shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
