I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Randomize
