I wannas sexs uuuuu
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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