come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
