we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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