My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
