You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
