are you still at the devil's house?
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
