Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
