I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
