Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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