Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
