Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
