I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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