i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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