please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She tied me up with her honor cords...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
