fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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