Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
