Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
