Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
