Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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