I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
