i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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