1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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