Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
