8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
