im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize