called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
