You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i love accidental penises.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
